Israel Discusses Israel

In part deux of Israelis Discourse on Politics, Israel discusses the future of his country, his feelings about Arabs, and what he thinks of Jews living in the West Bank.

If you have questions you would like included in future interviews, please direct them to my press secretary.

Hebrew and English Announce Engagement

Here we have another example of English words spelled phonetically with Hebrew characters. Remember that Hebrew is read right to left and look below the picture to read the name for yourself.



R-A-B O-S-S-E-R-P-S-E A-M-O-R-A

Cats Doing it Like Bunnies in Tel Aviv

Tel Aviv has a feral cat problem. They are aware of this. The program in place now to deal with this is pure genius. Most other animal agencies worldwide would simply kill the cats. The Tel Aviv agency realizes that killing the cats would only increase the resources for the remaining cats and therefore increase reproduction. So what they do is tour around, pick up some cats, take them back to the agency, and sterilize them. To remember which cats have already been fixed, they then clip the tip of the cat's ear off. When future animal control officers are trolling around, looking for cats to pick up, they look for cats with two undisturbed ears.

The resources then remain the same for the same number of cats, and the reproduction rate eventually slows.

See? Genius.



UPDATE:
I have now taken photos of a cat with its ear clipped.

Two Israelis Discourse on Politics

Israeli couple Bilha and Segee share their views about Israeli politics on the subjects of:

• Arabs in Jerusalem
  
• The bribery accusations against Prime Minister Olmert
  
• The possibility of a two state solution
  
• The future of Arabs inside Israel and Jews inside the West Bank
  

Stay tuned for other interviews on these and other subjects. I am now accepting questions.

Dante vs Goat

Dante made a visit to the petting zoo in Hayarkon Park at midnight. He met some interesting and odd creatures but in the end, his self preservation trumped his curiosity.

By the way..........WHAT is this thing?

Yiddish Still Alive and Well

Amidst the bustling metropolis of Tel Aviv, these guys clop along with their horse and cart. They move through every neighborhood in turn, yelling, "Altazachen! Altazachen! Altazachen!" which means old things in Yiddish and German.

They are called Asfanay Schmatez by the people who know them: junk collectors. The backs of their carts are filled with dysfunctional refridgerators, ovens, and random pieces of leftover metal.

This video was taken on Dizengoff Street, the trendiest and busiest shopping area of Tel Aviv. The Asfanay Schmatez pass by the designer shops one by one, albeit much slower than the taxis that honk at them as they pass.

Syria, Iran, al-Qaida cuckolding Iraq

Iran and al-Qaida influences resurfaced in Iraq today as a suicide bomber in a truck killed 16 people in Sinjar, a town near the Syrian border. We learned last week that the truck bomb is the hallmark of al-Qaida. It had not been used with any regularity in Iraq, however, since August of last year when a series of truck bombs killed 500 people in Sinjar.

Coincidentally, this attack occurred during the month in which the fewest Ally fatalities had occurred. The pot needed stirring. Emphasizing the further coincidentalness of this event, AP says:

Meanwhile, Iraq's Shiite vice president discussed security cooperation with Iranian officials during a previously unannounced visit to Iran, the government said Thursday.

Although both governments are dominated by Shiites, relations have been strained since al-Maliki launched a crackdown on Shiite militias and opened talks with the United States on a long-term security pact.

U.S. officials have frequently accused Iran of jeopardizing peace in Iraq by supplying weapons to anti-U.S. Shiite militias. Iran denies the allegation.

So basically, this truck bomb blew up and Iraq marched over to Iran, knocked on their door, and said, "What the hell?! Knock it off!"

One time when I was a kid, my friend took my toy away and I said, "Stop that or I won't be your friend anymore!"

Also, in reference to my last post musing over who might be in bed with Iran, Syria has announced its candidacy.

Wherein Lola is Stalked by Pandora

Gah! What the F?! My SOUL is dying.

They KNOW where I am. IP address. Peh.

Ahmadinejad Proves Sneaky but Unoriginal

I’m reading The Lemon Tree by Sandy Tolan and it has served as a catalyst for my own narrative on the recent history of Palestine. Each section in the book brings a new opinion, a new feeling. I am sympathetic to the Jews now, to the Arabs now. The tone is mostly objective, but we are looking through the eyes of one group at a time. Tolan uses rumor and propaganda carefully, as a tool to describe the mindset of each group in times of hysteria. Whether or not there was a slaughter of women and children at Deir Yassin is not an issue for debate in this context. The belief that it had happened is what contributed to the terror.

In the first chapter, I thought, “How tragic for the Arab. He returns as a stranger to his own home.” In the second chapter I thought, “Why are the British sticking their noses in?” In the third chapter I thought, “My god, even in Bulgaria the Jews are being rounded up like cattle.” Chapter four was particularly thought-provoking and will receive its due attention. I will delve into further chapters in future entries.

Firstly, several whys came into my mind, some I have provided answers to, and some I have not. Why did Palestinian Arabs not feel pity for the holocaust survivors flooding the country? Why did they greet them with mistrust? Why did the United States not allow Jewish immigration? Why, 30 years after declaring Palestine a “national home for the Jewish people” did Britain force ships of Jewish refugees to return to Germany? Why does the world not know that Jewish extremist groups were the first to use what we now call “terrorism?” Why did the UN assign 54.5% of Palestine to the Jewish minority, which constituted 1/3 of the population and owned 7% of the land?

My brief commentary on events:

In July of 1946, a Jewish militia called Irgun planted bombs in the King David Hotel in Jerusalem, killing more than 80 people, mostly British soldiers. At that time, they were the desperate, enraged minority. They had not the resources or the political clout to achieve their goals diplomatically. They were essentially squatters who had nowhere else to go. This is exactly the position that the Palestinians, especially those in Gaza, are in now. The side with superior resources can afford to wait. Moral principles easily fold in the face of hunger and thirst.

After the UN decision, David Ben-Gurion, the leader of the dominant Jewish agency of the time, was not satisfied with the 55% Jewish majority in the Jewish partition. He argued that this would prevent total Jewish control in their territory. He said, “Such a composition does not provide a stable basis for a Jewish state. With such a composition, there cannot be absolute certainty that control will remain in the hands of the Jewish majority.” Whether morally right or wrong, he was factually correct. After the UN decision, Arabs were outraged and began attacking buses, but the Jewish militias were well-prepared and underestimated. They fought back. Both sides attacked villages, newspaper offices, hotels, and public streets.

Surrounding Arab countries immediately voiced their support for Palestine, especially King Abdullah of Transjordan, who had met secretly with Zionist leaders and agreed to let them keep their 54.5% while he absorbed the West Bank as part of his kingdom.

On June 11, 1948, a truce went into effect between Arabs and Jews but while Jordan and the Arabs were forced to comply, Jewish forces broke the embargo and smuggled in arms and ammunition. This left Arab forces at a severe disadvantage when fighting resumed. After the truce ended, neither side would settle for two states. That is, unless the two states were Israel and Transjordan. Ben Gurion was still not happy with his imperfect control of Jewish land (rival Jewish militias were fighting amongst themselves) and Palestinian people were not invited to participate in the discussion of their own future. The Arab League voted to continue fighting for Palestinian independence and designated Abdullah as the ironic leader of this effort.

King Abdullah continued to supply his forces for Palestinian resistance, but only enough to secure the West Bank as far Jerusalem, the jewel he had envisioned for his crown. Villages past this scrimmage line were abandoned to fight for themselves. On July 12, 1948, Yitzhak Rabin issued an order to expel residents of al-Ramle and Lydda (which are now Israeli villages called Ramla and Lod). His order stated, “The inhabitants of Lydda are to be expelled quickly without attention to age.” This is the same Yitzhak Rabin that in 1994 was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his involvement in the Oslo Accords, which officially recognized Palestine and gave it some authority over itself. The same Yitzhak Rabin that in 1995 was assassinated by a right-wing Israeli for these latter actions.

The story of King Abdullah and the West Bank brings to mind another story, one that is happening now, and reminds me why the study of history is imperative to the understanding of the present.

Iran is today’s Transjordan. As I said, in November of 1947 King Abdullah met secretly with Zionist leaders and agreed to expand only into Palestine, allowing Jews to keep the rest. Publicly, Jordan supported Palestinian independence. This seems exactly what Ahmadinejad is doing today: supplying arms to Hamas, but not good enough arms to actually win. Only good enough to keep both sides distracted. It was exactly what the US did in the 1980s: supplied weapons to Afghanistan to help them fight the Soviets, but only enough to keep Russia busy. Ahmadinejad is not stupid. He knows that when you have two enemies, you don’t fight them both. You get them to fight each other.

He is using the same strategy to keep the US busy in Iraq. In a post titled What's Happening Under the Table, Dr. Mohammed, a local blogger in Baghdad, wrote back in March:

Ahmedi Najad visited Karada and I'm sure he didn't like seeing the people shopping and walking safely in the streets because the last thing Iran wants is peace in Iraq for one simple reason because this will mean that USA have won and USA will be free to take care of Iran in addition to that they will gradually loose control over Iraq and the unlimited benefits they get from Iraq….at least that's what I'm thinking…Iran is one of the biggest beneficial of the situation in Iraq.

Last week’s bombing at a Gaza crossing began to alert international intelligence agencies that Iran is secretly funding the extremist militias in and around Gaza.

So the question is: who is Iran secretly in bed with? Ahmadinejad may not only be two-timing, he might be three-timing or four-timing. The question of how he is supplying arms to Iraqi militants is simple enough: they share a border. But how is he supplying arms to militants in Gaza? Egypt is the most likely candidate, given they share a border with Gaza, but Egypt is right now desperately pushing for a truce between Hamas and Israel due to the staggering number of penniless refugees crossing into Egypt daily. Israel currently has a siege on Gaza’s port, so how are these supplies entering Gaza and who stands to gain from it?

Wherein Lola is Stalked by Bees

You can see by the sheer number of shots I was able to get that this was no coincidence. There were even several I did not include here. They hovered near me, just......watching. You can also see by the various positions of Dante in the background how long this went on.



I mean...imagine how still they had to hover for me to get this many shots of them. Do you know how fast bees usually move? I think you do.



It went on...fo-ev-uh.

Hebrew Adopts "Discount"

Another transliteration. This sign is actually an English word phonetically spelled in Hebrew. This is fairly common here. In fact, English is so embedded in the vernacular that most people say "hello" and "goodbye" rather than "shalom." Most signs (especially storefronts) appear in Hebrew and English and about 25% appear in English only.



The English version:



In other news about banks: the dollar has drastically dropped in value. It's down 25% since last year. The exchange rate is now hovering near 3.3 shekels per dollar. I just paid $12 for a bottle of Head & Shoulders.

Lola Loves Fonts

The wonders of product design. Does this look familiar?



It's amazing how they managed to make the D in "diet" look exactly the same in Hebrew, even though it's a completely different letter. Further, Hebrew is read right to left so the letter that looks like the D is actually the T. I will keep an eye out for other product design miracles.



In other news, the "pinat hei" (life corner) in the park has an odd assortment of animals. Deer, goats, rabbits, guinea pigs, imus, geese, and some I don't even recognize. They all live together, with no walls between them. Eat together, play together, and cuddle each other. They seem pretty happy.

Poop Bag Artwork Tells All

And here begins my quirky outsider observations of Israel.



These boxes are all over the park. They hold poop bags, for dogs. The text says literally "Sacky-Cacky." Or as we like to say, pooper scooper. The best part, though, is the artwork. That really says it all.



And in other poopy news: the toilets. In an effort to save water, toilets are outfitted with two handles. The small one is for when you "make wee" as my mother-in-law says. The large one is for when you "make cacky."

Dante Goes to Israel

I've been here less than 24 hours and I've already noticed a distinct lack of the climate of fear I had become accustomed to in the U.S. In Hayarkon Park, two blocks from where I'm staying, there is an all-night cafe open. That is because people walk in the park at night. Sometimes even by themselves.

That is not a comment on the crime rate, it is a comment on the outlook of the residents. Just because it is possible for something bad to happen doesn't mean it is likely something bad will happen. And that is the main difference in outlook between Israelis and Americans.

I'm going out a limb to say our media might be contributing to this outlook. Violent crime is over-represented in the news. Why do we all know the details of the Jonbennet Ramsey case? The Scott Peterson case? Every year there is a high profile, nationwide crime fixation. It keeps the subject of violent crime on everyone's minds.

The National Council on Crime and Delinquency reported that the US has higher incarceration rates than any other country, disproportionate to the crime rate (source). The US and Israel have fairly similar homicide rates. The US reports 5.9 homicides per 100,000 people, where Israel reports 2.62. For perspective, Pakistan reports 0.05 and Jamaica reports 46.59 (source).

And it's not just that I notice other people feel safer. I feel safer too. I can tell by the way men look at me that they are not predatory. Men here treat women like their mothers, sisters, or daughters. A man who is old enough to be your father will act like your father. Men do not stare at me. I do not feel objectified. Suddenly my body image is a non-issue. Because here in Israel, I'm a person, not a fem-bot.

al-Qaida Presence Felt in Gaza

Photo by Switch_1010

The Egyptian-engineered cease fire between Israel and Hamas is even further from becoming a reality as a Palestinian suicide bomber detonated four tons of explosives in a truck at one of the Gaza-Israel crossings today. The Erez pedestrian crossing was destroyed but the driver of the truck was the only one killed. He was unable to cross the border to reach the Israeli military base on the other side, his primary target.

Israel says:

The Erez crossing will be closed until the damage can be repaired, Israeli military spokesman Peter Lerner said. He said "the main victims of this attack are the Palestinians themselves."

The larger concern for the international community at large is the type of bomb and the type of carrier used. Palestinian militants rarely use car bombs. Guess who does.

Truck bombs are not commonly used by Islamic Jihad and the other group participating in Thursday's attack, the Al Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades. Extremist groups linked to al-Qaida have often used them.

Boaz Ganor, a leading terrorism expert in Israel, said Thursday's attack shows the "infiltration" of the Lebanese guerrilla group Hezbollah and their Iranian sponsors into the Gaza Strip.

The situation is getting desperater and desperater over there as Gaza pushes for their freedom and Israel pushes not to be bombed on a daily basis. It's kind of a catch-22.

Polygamists Prove Psychic Powers

Remember Lola's psychic prediction about the Texas FLDS sect whose children were taken by child protective services? Over 400 children were put in protective custody because of an anonymous phone call made by a girl who claimed she was living at the Yearning for Zion ranch and was underage and being abused by her older husband. The girl's identity was never learned and the phone call is now suspected to be a hoax. Nor was any evidence of child abuse ever unearthed.

This week a Texas appeals court ruled the the government had no right to take the children and, in fact, characterized it as an "extreme measure." The ruling is summed up as such:

The appeals court said the state was wrong to consider the entire ranch as an individual household and that the state couldn't take all the children from a community on the notion that some parents in the community might be abusers.

Further, the weak allegation the state was clinging to in order to justify its actions- that underage girls were forced to marry and become pregnant- crumbled under its own investigation:

Of the 31 sect members CPS once said were underage mothers, 15 have been reclassified as adults — one was 27 years old — and an attorney for a 14-year-old girl said in court that she had no children and was not pregnant, as officials previously asserted.

As per my prediction, CPS workers will now hang their heads while the FLDS children return to their community.

Two Bachelors Discourse on Women

A spontaneous film in which Hazem and Ayman share their views about women. Filming immediately followed Hazem's first time shopping with a woman, an experience slightly less unpleasant than an enema.

Pauly Shore Does Lola

Me and Pauly Shore are like this. I stumbled across this video in which he invades the media siege outside the FLDS polygamist compound in Texas. Basically, he mocks all the "serious" journalists who are camped out waiting for something to happen. NBC, CBS, ABC, and CNN all ignore him rudely. Basically, he points out that they aren't having any fun but he is.

That's going to be me in a few minutes when I get famous.

American Soil Inspires Peaceful Protest

Al-Nakba, roughly translated as "The Disaster," is the day that remembers the 1948 UN decision to partition one Palestine into two nations: one for Jews and one for Arabs. This day is remembered every year by Palestinians and their supporters. This year marks the 60th anniversary of this event and so Nakba-60 was commemorated at Civic Center here in San Francisco with a protest, music, food, and of course, a counter-protest.

This event was typical of Middle Eastern culture (Israeli and Palestinian) in that the people smile through their tears. My movie gives you a pretty good idea of what went on there. Some people got pretty angry, especially when the pro-Israel counter-protesters arrived, but there was no fighting, no spitting, and no unsportsmanlike conduct. The police were there only as a reminder and to keep protesters from blocking traffic.

And again, culturally predictable, the American pro-Israel contingent was the group having the least fun.

Israel Cannabalizes Itself

Photo by dlisbona.

First of all, I would like point my middle finger directly at Reuter's. Not that I'm surprised that they would print a grossly misleading headline, but well, ok...I am. I am surprised and disgusted. The top Reuter's online story today is headlined "Israel's Olmert admits taking cash but won't quit." I think we can all agree that means he admitted to taking a bribe. However, in the article, Reuter's quotes Olmert as saying, "I look each and every one of you in the eye and say, 'I never took bribes. I never took a penny for myself.'"

The Israeli media has been riding this wave for the last two weeks but for some reason the story broke internationally yesterday. On Israel's birthday. Weird.

Amir Oren, of Israel's Haaretz newspaper, writes an analysis of the media's handling of this event and breaks it down rather effectively. He writes:

The media midwifed the affair, kept it from dying and has turned itself into the arena for the coming rounds.

Read the rest of that analysis here.

Israel's Birthday Attracts Haters

Photo by Daniella Zalcman.

Today is Israel's 60th birthday and the first well wishes have arrived. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad released a statement via his official news agency in which he calls Israel a "stinking corpse."

"Today the reason for the Zionist regime's existence is questioned, and this regime is on its way to annihilation," he said.
Ahmadinejad added that Israel "has reached the end like a dead rat after being slapped by the Lebanese" - a reference to the 2006 war between Israel and the Shiite Hezbollah militia.

Wait, what? Am I high or did Israel win that little catfight? Oh right, they did. In fact, hasn't Israel won every war it's fought since its inception?

The Arab world is like a schoolyard bully, picking on the littlest kid on the playground. Except this little kid knows karate.

More information on the aforementioned "July War" here. I especially like the part where Hezbollah continues to fire guns and rockets at Israeli soldiers after the official ceasefire agreement was reached.

Israel PM Aparently 6 Years Old

Peace talks between Israel, West Bank, And Hamas-ruled Gaza have slowed while Israel observes several memorial ceremonies for victims of terrorist attacks this week, culminating in the 60th anniversary of the country. This anniversary is also observed by Palestinians but is called Nakba, which means "disaster" and refers to the UN decision in 1948 to partition what was one Palestine into two different nations.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert expressed an unusually strong sentiment toward peace in one memorial speech:

"There is nothing we desire more than to end the conflict with our neighbors, and there is nothing that would benefit both sides more than the end of the conflict," Olmert said.

But later in the same speech implied that the fault lies on one side in a juvenille "He started it!" maneuver:

"Had our neighbors responded in 1948 to our hand extended in peace - how many victims would have been spared from both sides! How tremendous the suffering and loss, and how powerful the pain and grief which would have been prevented!

And in another speech this week he even further distanced himself from fault with a condescending moral judgement:

"I cannot help but think of how deep the moral gap is between us and our enemies, he said. We make every possible effort to limit and focus our attacks on the terrorists and we never intentionally harm the innocent ... We don't have mothers who joyfully send their children to blow themselves up in packed buses or in busy malls," he said.

More opinionings to come about this week's celebrations/protests as they happen.

Nobody Loves Gaza, Still

Last week, when it was announced (by Egypt) that a cease fire was being negotiated between Israel and Hamas, I was skeptical. It seemed to me that Egypt had more interest in peace than Israel or Hamas did, and it still seems like that.

Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Aboul Gheit tells Reuters a few things about the progress of the "period of quiet" deal Egypt is brokering.

Outlining three elements of Egypt's mediation plan, Gheit said Hamas must cease firing missiles from Gaza into Israel. The Israelis, in turn, would vow not to target Palestinian activists inside Gaza and stop "targeted killings, assassinations or what have you."

What have you? This seems pretty vague. If there is to be peace between Israel and Hamas, Israel has to stop what-have-you-ing. Ok, fine. I'm sure Israel has no problem with that, since they can assign any meaning to what-have-you that they like.

Last time I wrote about this, I quoted Israel as saying ,"We are not holding our breath," and noted a distinct lack of interest, on their part, in this peace deal. I think I may have come across one reason for this:

The second element was a prisoner swap of about 400 Palestinians held by Israel in exchange for Israel Defense Forces soldier Gilad Shalit, said Gheit. Shalit was abducted in June 2006 and taken to the Gaza Strip.

I'm not sure who decided this was fair or why. Is Egypt saying that one Israeli soldier is as valuable as 400 Palestinians, or that Israel only deserves to get one soldier? I think someone should be offended but I don't know who. Israel says this, mildly:

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has balked at the scope of the prisoner release roster.

Bush Asks Nation to Suck It

When I was a little girl my grandmother would often take me shopping. But having short legs and an even shorter attention span, I would get cranky long before she was ready to quit shopping. So then my grandmother would pull a piece of candy from her purse and give it to me in exchange for me shutting up for a while. The problem with that was I would only shut up for as long as it took me to eat the candy. Then I wanted more candy.

This is what Bush's rebate plan feels like. $600? What exactly is that supposed to accomplish? Is it supposed to pay off the mortgage of the thousands upon thousands of families that are losing their homes to foreclosure?

No, it's just supposed to give you something to suck on for a while.

UPDATE:
While talking with Pauline and Jack about this, another penis euphemism was used in regard to this tax rebate:

That's recockulous. I mean, when you want to think of ways to dick over your nation...

And then I thought, maybe we're not the only ones who think this is a giant, lubeless fuck up the ass. Mark Morford at the Chron writes:

It's more like this: You've been continuously mugged and beaten and robbed blind for the past seven years straight, and as you lay there on the cold, hard economic ground, bleeding and gasping and wondering what the hell happened to your vacation time and your health care plan and your mortgage payment, your attackers scoff and leer and toss a couple of bloodstained nickels on your pulverized face and mutter, here sucker, have some bus fare, and then they cackle and stomp away with all your loot and dignity and hope, back to the White House from whence they came.

According to Jack, this is the inevitable result of giving away fake money.