Polygamists Prove Psychic Powers

Remember Lola's psychic prediction about the Texas FLDS sect whose children were taken by child protective services? Over 400 children were put in protective custody because of an anonymous phone call made by a girl who claimed she was living at the Yearning for Zion ranch and was underage and being abused by her older husband. The girl's identity was never learned and the phone call is now suspected to be a hoax. Nor was any evidence of child abuse ever unearthed.

This week a Texas appeals court ruled the the government had no right to take the children and, in fact, characterized it as an "extreme measure." The ruling is summed up as such:

The appeals court said the state was wrong to consider the entire ranch as an individual household and that the state couldn't take all the children from a community on the notion that some parents in the community might be abusers.

Further, the weak allegation the state was clinging to in order to justify its actions- that underage girls were forced to marry and become pregnant- crumbled under its own investigation:

Of the 31 sect members CPS once said were underage mothers, 15 have been reclassified as adults — one was 27 years old — and an attorney for a 14-year-old girl said in court that she had no children and was not pregnant, as officials previously asserted.

As per my prediction, CPS workers will now hang their heads while the FLDS children return to their community.

Pauly Shore Does Lola

Me and Pauly Shore are like this. I stumbled across this video in which he invades the media siege outside the FLDS polygamist compound in Texas. Basically, he mocks all the "serious" journalists who are camped out waiting for something to happen. NBC, CBS, ABC, and CNN all ignore him rudely. Basically, he points out that they aren't having any fun but he is.

That's going to be me in a few minutes when I get famous.

Lola Does Polygamy

What a debacle. I'm sure we've all at least heard of the polygamist compound in Texas that was raided due to a 911 call and hundreds of children were then taken into state custody.

I have mixed feelings on this issue. The most glaring problem I have with the whole situation is that 437 children are now homeless and torn from the only community they have ever known. Based on the lack of evidence, so far, of any child abuse, this seems like a pretty big price for the children to pay for their "liberation." And a pretty big price for their parents to pay for living an unaccepted lifestyle.

On the side of the government, this polygamist sect (The Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints) was tolerated, if not accepted, by the larger community until there was a report of an underage girl married to an older man, the report called in by the girl herself. Would it really have been so difficult just to wait until these girls are 18 to marry them off? Would it? Everyone could have their cake and eat it too if they would just have been a little more patient. I'd say God's army doesn't need replenishing that urgently.

In the newest development to this story, all the children and many of the adults are being DNA tested to determine parentage because most of the children don't know who their blood family is. WTF. You cannot apply a system of measurement to a concept that was not built upon that system. You cannot measure a mile in ounces. You cannot measure IQ in pounds. You cannot determine who is whose family in this situation with DNA. The government has set out to judge a situation without understanding it. It can't be done.

And on one final note: how much is this costing? I suspect that when whatever lawyer or social worker brought up DNA testing as a solution to the tangle, everyone sighed deeply and hung their heads. Because they knew it was the only solution that wouldn't make it look like they knew they had made a mistake in hastily removing the children from their homes. But they also knew it would cost a fortune and be a waste of time.

My psychic prediction is that they will make a big show of the DNA testing process to distract everyone with science. And then when the press isn't looking, they'll let everyone go back home. Probably they will also arrest one or two dudes from the compound and actually convict one on some or other charge. Sacrificial lamb.