'Biggest Dick' Refused in Saudi Arabia

I cannot resist posting this piece from the MEMRI blog (the organization I am currently interning for under founder Yigal Carmon).

In an unfortunate result of translation, Pakistani diplomat Akbar Zeb will not become the next Pakistani ambassador to Saudi Arabia. Zeb’s credentials seem in order: He is the former ambassador to the United States, India and South Africa. He held the post of High Commissioner Designate of Pakistan to Canada and is the former director general of Pakistan's Foreign Ministry.

But despite Mr. Zeb’s impressive career, the 55-year-old diplomat’s name proved to be the immovable hurdle. When translated into Arabic, Akbar Zeb means “Biggest Dick.” In a region that stresses modesty, particularly in public, this could not stand.

Source: MEMRI

Hamas Again Advertises for New PR Rep

This is nothing but a cry for help, just as this was.

"Hamas will keep rejecting the occupation and refuse to recognize the legitimacy of the Zionist entity. Priority will remain building and developing the resistance," said Meshal, who lives in Syria along with other Hamas leaders in exile.

The "Zionist entity." Does he have any idea how out of touch that makes him sound? This is a sci-fi series that has outlived its potential. If the Israeli-Palestinian conflict were a reality TV show, this would be the part where the contestants are urged to crawl through a tunnel of worms to win a phone call home.

If sounding like C-3P0 was the way to win hearts and minds, Meshal would have this thing handled.

Meanwhile, in the West Bank:

Abbas has said repeatedly he will not resume negotiations without a complete Israeli settlement freeze in the West Bank and east Jerusalem - areas claimed by the Palestinians for a future state. The Obama administration initially demanded such a freeze as well, but relented when Netanyahu resisted.

Netanyahu instead agreed to a 10-month slowdown in West Bank construction. But Netanyahu insists he will not relinquish any part of Jerusalem. The Palestinians seek the city's eastern sector as their future capital.

If we boil this whole thing down to a fictional conversation between Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and his counterpart Mahmoud Abbas, you get this:
Abbas:[folds arms across chest and turns his back]
Netanyahu:Come on, talk to me. Please.
Abbas: No. You're just going to keep building more settlements and taking all our land. You're trying to force us into bantustans.
Netanyahu: [gasps] I would never do that to you. Now, come on, turn around and talk to me.
Abbas:[turns around] Well ok. Hey, what's that sound [settlement building resumes behind him]?
Netanyahu: What sound? I don't hear any sound. [settlement builder gives Netanyahu the thumbs up that he's done] Nevermind, I think we're all done here.
Abbas: [turns around and screams like Homer Simpson.]

This is Netanyahu's "realities on the ground" expansion plan.

Obama Gives up on Peace Process

My Dear Reader,
I haven't written in many months, much to the chagrin of my biggest supporters (mom, et al). So if you're reading this, it means you either know me personally and have been warned I would begin writing again, or you have just stumbled upon this blog for the first time. Welcome, I say, to the latter. Welcome back, to the former. And I also must issue a warning: this blog may be hazardous to your political correctness. Side effects of reading this blog include uttering tasteless jokes, racist jokes, and offending friends and acquaintances in general. I am not a humanitarian, I am not a peacemaker, I can only barely be called a journalist. But along with a lack of human compassion comes a lack of emotional involvement in the affairs of the Israeli and Palestinian governments. I mock them both equally, where mocking is called for.

I also sometimes mock fellow bloggers and journalists.

Now, I will begin my update with a summation of the situation as of the last time I wrote, which was in August, and any developments since then.

1. Obama had been in office half a year and everyone was eager to see what his big plan was to solve Middle Eastern Conflict. Obama appointed George Mitchell as his special envoy to this end and after conferring with the region's leaders for five minutes or so came up with this totally original and incredibly detailed plan:

   President Barack Obama's new Mideast envoy called Wednesday for an end to Hamas weapons smuggling and a reopening of Gaza's borders, seeking to strengthen the shaky cease-fire between Israel and Palestinian militants thrown into turmoil by new violence.

   This reads like Mitchell thinks he's the magic peace fairy and he can just ask what each side wants and then POOF there it is. [The link to that article has since died, super sorry about that, but the quote is accurate.]
   
   And then yesterday, this gem appeared in Ha'aretz, "Obama: U.S. expectations for Middle East peace too high." Obama is quoted as saying:

   I think it is absolutely true that what we did this year didn't produce the kind of breakthrough that we wanted and if we had anticipated some of these political problems on both sides earlier, we might not have raised expectations as high.

   Reading this article, I was shocked not only by the way Obama is willing to level with journalists, but also with his seemingly clear and realistic grasp on the situation. He summed up the key current issues as such:

   Both sides ... have found that the political environment, the nature of their coalitions, or the divisions within their societies were such that it was very hard for them to start engaging in a meaningful conversation.
   
   And I think that we overestimated our ability to persuade them to do so when their politics ran contrary to that. From Abbas' perspective, he's got Hamas looking over his shoulder and I think an environment generally within the Arab world that feels impatient with any process.
   
   And on the Israeli front, although the Israelis I think after a lot of time showed a willingness to make some modifications in their policies, still found it very hard to move with any bold gestures.

2. Gilad Shalit is still held in captivity somewhere in Gaza. The Israeli soldier was taken in a cross border raid over three years ago and his imprisonment has played a key role in negotiations since that time. On August 12 of last year, this article revealed that Hamas was confident Israel would finally yield to its demands.

   Mohammed al-Ghoul, the Hamas minister for prisoners' affairs, said "the Israeli occupation will soon surrender to the conditions that we have outlined for the release of Gilad Shalit."
   
   According to al-Ghoul, Israel will release the Palestinian prisoners whose names appear on a list Hamas has passed to Egyptian officials. The list includes a number of prisoners serving life sentences, as well as women, children, and some elderly inmates.

   First of all, al-Ghoul? Is that really someone you want to designate as any kind of representative to the western world? And secondly, that list has passed back and forth between Israel's and Hamas' hands so many times it probably carries swine flu, AIDS, and mad cow. The numbers of prisoners on the list has reportedly fluctuated wildly between 150 and 1,000 names. First Israel wouldn't release prisoners serving terms for murder, and then they would, but only certain ones, but Hamas wasn't happy with those certain ones, and so on. There are so many cooks in the kitchen on both sides that no matter the disposition of The List, it will never pass final muster. Sure enough, just one day later, a different Hamas rep was saying something else.

   Hamas politburo chief Khaled Mashaal said there is no real progress in talks for the release of captive Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit, despite recent reports to the contrary.
   
   In an interview to Qatari newspaper al-Watan, that will be published in full on Sunday, with parts of it published on the Hamas website Thursday, Mashaal said mediation efforts in the matter were ongoing, but that no real progress has been made. He said this was due to "the manner in which the Zionist enemy's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is handling the matter.'

   And most recently, any mention of progress in the swap has halted except for this item from January 19:

   Mohammed Nazal told the Lebanese daily A-Sapir that the deal has been delayed thus far due to Israel's refusal to heed Hamas' demand to see top militants Marwan Bargouthi and Ahmed Sadat freed.

   So basically at this point, Hamas is mainly concerned with these final two guys, but they're biggies. This is the first I've heard of this Ahmed Sadat dude, but Bargouthi is a Palestinian "freedom fighter" who is so popular it's basically assumed that if he's released, he'll win the Hamas presidency. He's considered to be the leader of both the first and second intifadas but strongly supported the peace process, including the Oslo accords. He's basically the Nelson Mandela of Palestine. Further research (meaning I can use google) has revealed that this Sadat guy is pretty popular too but he doesn't recognize Israel's right to exist and was in opposition to the Oslo process. He was Secretary-General of the PFLP (Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine) beginning in 2001 after the previous secretary was assassinated. The PFLP is basically Fatah's armed wing that they keep all hush-hush like when you have a retarded child that you keep in the basement just to feed annoying salesmen and Jehovah's Witnesses. Anyway, Sadat was accused of planning the assassination of Israel's tourism minister, who was the founder of right wing party Moledet and advocated the forced transfer of Israel's Arabs to neighboring countries.
   
   So...what was my point? Oh yeah, transferring prisoners between Israel and Palestine is complicated.
   
   Good god this update is exhausting. One more item.
   
   
3. Operation Price Tag is still in full swing. It was way back in October of 2008 that I first wrote about this lovely little grassroots movement wherein Israeli settlers damage Palestinian cemeteries, farms, and livestock, injure Palestinian children on their walks to school, and injure and sometimes kill Palestinians and/or Israeli soldiers who try to stop them in an attempt to curb opposition to the Israeli expansion project. How it works is, every time the Israeli governments clamps down and actually follows its own laws regarding the disposition of West Bank land, settlers in the area do some sort of damage that is designed to remind Palestinians and Israelis alike that there is a price tag to their opposition. I found the latest incarnation of this movement on Ha'aretz yesterday and here is the gist:

   Recent violence by Jewish settlers against Palestinians in the West Bank, occupied by Israel since 1967, has been linked by some activists to the Israeli government's decision to impose a temporary, partial freeze on building in the enclaves.
   
   Through a strategy known as the "price tag", the settlers have targeted Palestinians and their property whenever the Israeli government is seen moving, or thinking of moving against the settlements, which are deemed illegal by world powers.
   
   Israeli police this month arrested four settlers on suspicion of involvement in an arson attack last month on a mosque near Nablus. Carpets and holy books were burnt in that attack.

   These backlashes typically follow the evacuation of an illegal West Bank settlement by Israeli officials. Meanwhile, the freeze continues in name only as concrete foundations continue to be poured throughout areas planned for West Bank settlement.
   

And that's all kids. My snarky mockery will continue unabated as I'm in-country for a stay now.

Israel's Moderates Quiet As Usual

Way back in the day (meaning mid-June), I wrote about how Obama's Cairo speech, and mid-east policy in general, was affecting the Israeli populace.

But Obama's loudly-proclaimed intentions have led to a more clearly defined divide among the Israeli people: those who value America's support above all else and those who are committed to settlement of the West Bank above all else.

But the issue of settlements may be a smart litmus test of Israel's intentions, because it draws a clear line between those in Israel and among its supporters abroad who support a two-state solution, and those who don't. Obama is betting the ayes have it.

Basically Obama just went ahead and put that out there, and now he's sitting back and waiting for internal strife in Israel to make Netanyahu more agreeable to a two-state solution.

And according to this article in today's Haaretz, that internal strife is bringing the settlement issue further into the limelight than it's been since The Disengagement in 2005. Basically, this latest development is that Israeli settlers are accusing the Israeli government of "colluding" with leftist Israelis against them. Notice how many times I used the word "Israelis" in that last sentence? That's because this argument is a family one. Leftist Israelis are pretty happy about Obama butting in to force the government's hand, but rightist Israelis would thank everyone to please mind their own business. I'm sure this is why the right wingers feel they're being colluded against but if the government is colluding with anybody, it's the settlers.

From this morning's article:

Settler representatives met with Defense Ministry officials earlier in the week in a bid to discuss a negotiated compromise on removing West Bank outposts. The state is interested in gaining settler acquiescence to voluntarily evacuate the outposts in exchange for the building of new neighborhoods in existing settlements, Army Radio reported.

Officials in the Yesha council of settlers told Army Radio they have no intention of discussing the voluntary removal of outposts.

This whole dog and pony show is really amusing to those of us who know that the settlers are completely dependent on the government for their ability to settle anywhere in the West Bank. So the government arguing about whether they should or should live on this or that hilltop is just for show. It's a delay tactic, wrapped and tied with a bow, direct from Netanyahu to Obama.

But anyway, back to that internal strife I was talking about. The theory was that Obama wanted to see whether the majority of Israelis supported settlements more, or U.S. support more. Both right and left have been more active, vocal, and organized of late. But it's not yet clear which of them can claim greater numbers.

Lieberman Pulls an Olmert

Israeli Foreign Minster Avigdor Lieberman announced today that if charges are filed against him for bribery and fraud, he will resign his appointment as foreign minster and as head of the Israel Beiteinu party. Wait, what year is this? Because in summer of 2008, Israel's Prime Minister also agreed to step down amid accusations of bribery and fraud.

Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman responded Monday to the police announcement that it would recommend an indictment against him, saying that if he could go back, he would do everything exactly the same.

Of course he would. The resignation is nothing- he doesn't need to work anymore. He is accused of, "setting up a chain of front companies and bank accounts that allowed him to take in more than NIS 10 million."

He said that during the previous night he had "gone over the events of recent years, and I am at peace with everything that I've done. If I had to go back, I would do it all exactly the same. I would behave the same way if there was a second chance."

The only question left is why a ten year investigation just happened to turn up enough evidence for an indictment a few months after Lieberman's appointment as foreign minister. It's like someone had this dirt on him and promised to make it go away if he would stay out of the spotlight. But no, Netanyahu had to appoint someone as foreign minister who was referred to as having "erased in 20 minutes years of efforts to advance the peace process" between Israel and the Palestinians.

Lieberman's Hand Fully in Cookie Jar

The police are just about ready to ask for an indictment against Israel's Foreign Minister, Avigdor Lieberman, for fraud. The investigation has been going on for about three years, and the police finally feel they have enough evidence to prove Lieberman:

managed a well-oiled business machine through front men even after taking public office, and made millions of dollars.

Lieberman and his associates are suspected of establishing several companies, some of them shell companies, in order to launder millions of shekels and funnel them into his own pockets. Police have investigated whether Lieberman continued running these alleged operations even after becoming a public official.

In addition, police believe Lieberman and his associates tried to obstruct the police investigation in at least three separate instances, by changing the names of companies he allegedly established in Cyprus after he suspected the police had identified them.

Last summer the big fraud case was against the Prime Minister at the time, Ehud Olmert, over which he agreed to step down. I'm pretty happy about this because, as you may know, Lieberman is the politician I have mentioned many times as advocating forced segregation of Jews and Arabs and forcing Israeli Arabs to choose between taking an oath of fealty to the Zionist state or deportation.


Link

Gay Kids Attacked in Tel Aviv

I am astounded to read this piece of news. A masked gunman walked into a gay youth center in Tel Aviv and opened fire, killing two and wounding 15. This is particularly shocking because Tel Aviv is considered "the gay capital of the Middle East" and for good reason. There is a large and thriving gay community there, with gay pride held every June with no problems. Protesters strongly oppose a gay pride march and festival in Jerusalem, due to the higher number of religious residents there, but the Tel Aviv festival has not had such opposition from the right. In fact, in December of last year, Israel was one of the 66 countries that signed the UN's declaration decriminalizing homosexuality. The document recognized the human rights of gays.

What is also interesting about this piece of news is that the word "terrorist" was not used. If a Palestinian gunman had done the damage, or was suspected of having done it, reporters wouldn't call him a "gunman," they would call him an "armed terrorist." Even when acting alone, such as last summer's "bulldozer terrorist" did, Palestinians who hurt Israelis are almost always referred to as terrorists. But far-right Israelis, even when hurting unarmed civilians for a political aim, are not called terrorists. Another article about the same incident said, "Israel Police said that the incident at the club on Nahmani Street did not have a terror motive." Really? Opening fire on kids at a community center did not have a terror motive?

Because one can't be a terrorist without first being an Arab. At least in Israel.